Author Archive

Methods of Dealing with Anxiety

Wednesday, November 10th, 2021

In a world full of stress and worry, it has become more prevalent than ever that people are victims of anxiety. For some people it can just be a minor problem and for others it can become a life crippling disease. No matter what the level of your anxiety there are many options to help relieve your anxiety. While some people look down on mental problems it is nothing to be ashamed of and getting help does not make you weak or admit you crazy.

Dealing with Anxiety

Best solitaire games for PC is one more way to distract from worries.

COGNITIVE THERAPY

One of the most helpful options for all types of anxiety is cognitive therapy. Even if you end up having to take medicine for your anxiety you still should seek cognitive therapy as it is the most helpful way of controlling anxiety. Cognitive therapy is practiced by seeing a therapist. You can talk about your problems with anxiety and how you deal with them. The therapist can then help you put things in perspective and give you tips on how to help control the anxiety through exercises and the way you think.

If you do not have the time or are intimated by going to a therapist you can still do cognitive therapy on your own by reading books and doing workbooks on controlling anxiety.

MEDICATION

When anxiety is not controllable through just cognitive exercises one might have to consider going on medication. When taking medication for anxiety it can be very confusing as, unlike other diseases, there is no straightforward treatment that will work for most people. You should carefully go over options with your doctor and go into detail on how your anxiety affects you and what medications have the best chance of helping you.

Give the pills time to work it usually takes from two to 6 weeks before you will notice any big difference in reduction of your anxiety. IF the medicine ends up not working for you do not get frustrated. You will just need to try another medication or combonation of medications to find what works for you.

HERBAL REMEDIES

Some people who do not want to take medication or just have minor anxiety may want to look at natural herbs and remedies. Valerian is one of the most popular herbs to use as it has sedative qualities and is a painkiller. Valerian is more effective at bedtime and should only be used short term, as the effects of the herb in long-term use are not known. Kava kava is the most used herb for relief of daytime anxiety and like Valerian; it should not be taken continually for long periods.

Other herbs known to help with anxiety are Bungleweed, California poppy, Lemon balm, Verbena, and St. John’s Wort.

Lifestyle changes can help to reduce anxiety. You can cut down on caffeine and exercise, as they are known to help reduce anxiety. No matter which way you choose to address your problem do not give up as it may take several different methods to find what will work for you.

What to Look for in a Job to Feel Fulfilled

Monday, October 11th, 2021

If work is what shapes and defines people, then it is prudent to say that it’s best to perform a job that contributes to one’s self realization, rather than performing a job that hinders it.

job

To achieve this we must find an occupation whereby in addition to a salary, we can embark on something that somehow gives meaning or purpose to our life. Find a job that gives dignity to us by representing a product we believe in as well as giving dignity to the person producing it.

A product, movement or service where you touch the workers in their personal lives is the ideal path to take to feel fulfillment. In other words a job in which work tasks or a job description is as important as the product being produced, where work is as valuable as what it produces.

Going even further, doing a job that meets the needs of the body, mind and spirit is the ultimate goal. However, finding a job that fulfills all these expectations is very hard and people that do what they love are considered extremely lucky.

According to theologian Matthew Fox, many people complain by saying: “Our jobs are so empty and vague! They don’t give us any internal satisfaction.” For many of us work does not offer anything attractive, we can’t perform our job with genuine enthusiasm and no real sense of direction.

Sometimes our occupation even involves performing monotonous activities, meaningless, with a purposeless endeavor. We perform a duty without the slightest participation of playfulness, a tough task that teaches nothing. Worst of all, our work does not offer dignity and hope to our future. And when our work lacks dignity and hope, we also lack of it.

Many big corporations argue that in the production process what really matters is effectiveness, independent of what has been promised to the workforce.

How to Stop Always Saying YES to Others

Either way, the job is not created to suit the needs of the worker, the worker must adapt to the needs of the job, which demoralizes the worker and makes the job a more or less unpleasant need. While the modern workplace has been advancing in favor of protecting the physical aspect of its staff, little or no attention has been paid to the possible harm that many jobs have done to workers’ psyche and spirit.

By contrast, work becomes important for the worker when, in the words of Studs Terkel: “It becomes a way of finding meaning in daily life and to earn a living, to get recognition and money to stimulate the capacity of astonishment rather than being a source of torpor.”

Fundamental ideas work well but the following are some examples of practical actions that help break the monotony at work:

  • Create a group of workers that want to expand their knowledge through training using scientific procedures. The victorious combination of science and skilled workers will enable them to open doors to get offers for promotion and tangible opportunities and through this group they will be able to express their needs and concerns.
  • Implement the provision of scientific laws and principles that apply to job tasks that workers are performing, these rules replace traditional and outdated methods of labor management that often become monotonous and boring.
  • Regardless of all its flaws, for the sake of our future it is necessary to save the structure of the workplace. This is not to disappear, because it is through work that we emphasize everything we are as human beings.
  • Work is the foundation, the precondition of everything we do, through work we gain and through work we evolve and learn. Whether it is for basic needs or high intellectual and artistic pursuits work is the medium in which we can achieve a common or sophisticated goal.

However, the information age is changing the nature of work and the market will need to reassess, redefine and establish what work means to us. That is the means through which we shape and form ourselves to be re-structured in an ever evolving journey through life.

Reference:

Conversations With America, Studs Terkel, Official Website

Resolution Slip-Up

Saturday, October 9th, 2021

Do you have a resolution for 2022? Now that we’re halfway through October, how’s your resolution going?

top

My two 2022 resolutions are “listen” and “allow.”

For me, resolutions are not about a hard, fast, painful commitment to change. Rather, they are like a light that shines on my life to help me find a new way. I’ve noticed a few slip-ups on my resolution, yet I believe it’s perfect. Every slip-up provides an opportunity to refocus on what I want.

I lost my way

I had some inspiration about my coaching business, and I worked up a little frenzy in my office for a good part of the day. The entire time I heard my body talking. It said, “Go exercise!” (I like to exercise–it makes me feel good.) My knee was fussy. My shoulder wanted a break from the computer. I was getting all sorts of loud messages, yet I kept working. So much for listening!

Messing up is perfect

And even though I didn’t listen, it’s absolutely perfect. Since I have this resolution, I noticed how I was not living the way I want to. Without the resolution, it would have been another day spent working up a storm, minus the awareness. On day three into the new year, I am more aware than before on how to listen more in my life.

Slip-ups are okay

If you have a resolution or a commitment for 2022, stick with it, even if you slip-up. If you plan to lose weight and notice you gain a pound, don’t sweat it! If you set the intention to work less and play more, yet spend a Saturday at the office, no big deal! Slipping up may happen, but it’s no big deal. Notice when you do and why.

Finding Happiness: A Guide to Fulfillment

Learn from the slip-ups

When you do slip-up, learn from it and course correct.

For me, two things happened. First, I was excited about my idea, and I can get one-track-minded when that happens. Second, I was coming from a place of “there’s only so much time,” a theme that is common in my life.

What will I do differently next time? I’m not sure, so I will spend some time journaling to figure it out. (This is an old pattern, so a new way is going to take some mental digging!)

Stay with your intention

Setting an intention to make a change does not mean change will be easy (though sometimes it can be). Give yourself credit for setting a goal, watching yourself along the way, and course correcting when you find yourself off track.

How to Stop Always Saying YES to Others

Thursday, October 7th, 2021

We all probably know someone like this: someone who will quickly says yes to any favor you ask of them. Someone who will willingly become your doormat at their own expense. Or maybe you yourself are a people-pleaser. Someone who would drop whatever you are doing to give a friend a ride somewhere even if you don’t have time.

Yes or no
People pleasers generally feel uncomfortable saying no to others in fear that they will no longer be accepted. People-pleasers are devoted to pleasing others while putting aside their own needs and desires. According to psychologist Linda Tillman, people-pleasers lack the internal means for gauging the value of their own behaviors, and the result is that they seek validation from others. The development into a people-pleaser generally begins in childhood. Many times parents will simply tell children what to do without encouraging the child to assert themselves.

Control Your Anxiety and Panic

The child is then rewarded with love for obeying. Without realizing it, these parents are sending a message to their children that they will only feel valuable if they agree to the demands of others. This continues into adulthood and will become a fear that they will not be loved unless they say yes to everything. Because girls are generally taught at an early age to defer and accommodate to others, most people-pleasers are women.

Once developed into a people-pleaser, these behaviors are extremely difficult to correct because they are self-reinforcing and will get rewarded not only by parents, but also by friends, bosses, and co-workers as well. Despite the constant rewards that people-pleasers receive it comes at a heavy price. Such individuals put so much energy into others that they no longer know what they want in life. In fact, pleasing people all the times can lead to an explosion in passive aggressive behavior. After a while, people pleasers will build up resentment towards those they are pleasing.

Also known as pushovers, these people usually have a low sense of self-worth and breaking out of this habit can be very complex. People-pleasers cannot just start saying no to everything because then they will be replacing the behavior by becoming a narcissist. The key is to remain friendly and sympathetic, but remembering to assert your own needs more.

If someone needs a ride somewhere, consider your own plans first and then judge whether or not it is feasible for you to help out at that time. If it is not, accept that it is okay or offer to help later after you have met your own needs first. Continue to be receptive to the needs and concerns of others, but do not ignore your own.

Here are a couple of tips:

  • If you feel put on the spot, simply say “I’ll get back to you later, I’ll need to check my schedule.” This will buy you more time to determine if you will be able to help without compromising your plans.
  • Keep a check on your own motivations for pleasing others. If you want to help someone because it will make you feel happy and fulfilled, then fine; but do not do it in order to get something in return whether it be acceptance, love, etc.

Reference:

Svobada, E. May 1, 2008. Psychology Today.

Finding Happiness: A Guide to Fulfillment

Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

Maybe you feel like you’re not as happy as you use to be, maybe you have an unexplainable feeling of emptiness, or maybe you feel like life just isn’t what it’s supposed to be. For many of us life has, in some form, become overwhelming. Whether it comes from the work place, finances, a tragic event, relationships (or lack thereof) it is clear that you are not as happy as you deserve to be.

happy

What are we seeking?

If you are seeking something it is important to know what you’re after. Ask yourself these questions. What am I searching for? Why am I searching for it? The only way to find what you are seeking is to first identify it. This article was written for the purpose of helping people get what I believe most people who are seeking happiness wants, a lasting happiness/fulfillment that no one can take away.

Who/what do you let underneath your skin?

Your boss calls you into the office after a hard day of work. As you sit nervously at his desk (Knowing there have been job cuts lately) he says “Your performance has been outstanding we are promoting you to a general manager!”

Most everyone would feel great about getting a promotion but what if the opposite would have happened? What if you were fired? Would you feel angry, lost, or worried? Do you have the ability to choose how you felt about the situation or do you let the situation control you? Do you see it as a negative experience or a learning opportunity?

If you choose to see everything as a learning opportunity there is no good or bad only the journey. Most people spend their time seeing their journey as a means to an end and are disappointed if they do not reach the desired outcome do not spend time focusing on the outcome focus on enjoying the process of reaching an outcome/goal

What do we control?

In the above example how could you have controlled your boss’s decision? How could you go back in time and change his decision? How can you go forward in time and make sure it doesn’t happen again? The answer is you can’t. These things are out of your control and by worrying about it or staying angry at the situation you are causing pain for yourself. Sure maybe you could have done things differently but you can’t go back and change them. So it is important to learn from the event and choose to move on.

Do not try to control what you cannot choose to let go of. The only thing you can truly control is yourself and how you react to situations.

It’s critical that you take responsibility for yourself in all ways emotional, physical, and logical. No more blaming everyone else, no more blaming your past, and no more excuses because taking full responsibility for your actions allows freedom of situations that you have no control over.

Why not choose the now?

In his book The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle explains that only by focusing on the present and disconnecting from your thoughts can you truly gain enlightenment. If you’ve ever spent time rambling on with your inner voice or found yourself bored, watching a movie guessing the next plot twist you know what it’s like to be consumed by your mind. By spending time focusing on the present and disassociating yourself from your inner voice you can start to enjoy things for what they are.

But how do I begin to disassociate from my inner voice?

Tolle suggests many ways in his book. One of the best suggestions (pg.62) is to ask yourself “I wonder what my next thought is going to be” and wait for it. The question causes focus so the mind can quiet. During this silence you can experience what it feels like to shift to a higher focus. Another suggestion would be meditation or a meditation/yoga class

Once you have disassociated yourself from your mind you will learn to be more present in the now and will also learn to be more conscious of your own actions. Living in the now lets you enjoy things for what they are and get a better sense of your own self.

Who are you?

It’s not about money or looks it’s about what is on the inside that counts.

How many parents told that to their children? And then they grew older thinking he/she mainly cared about personality but also were afraid of going out without makeup on or find themselves lying at their high school reunion about what their career is. How do you define yourself? When do you find yourself telling a little white lie so you look better or buying overpriced name brand clothes? How many times do you find yourself doing something to impress someone else?

The truth is shocking but what your parents said is true. You are already complete and no amount of money, clothing, cars, or success will change that. How many times have you seen someone rich or famous very unhappy?

Also ask yourself these questions…

  • When will I be happy?
  • What things would make me happy?
  • Why would these things make me happy?
  • Do I know anyone else who has these things and are not happy?

Fulfillment comes from within and the more time you spend trying to find it externally, through fame, fortune or that next promotion the further away you will be from happiness. Stop seeking fulfillment and realize you already have it.

What is my purpose, how can I find it?

Many people find themselves unhappy with their job or their life situation. It’s no surprise that these people also find themselves unsatisfied in many areas of their life. Having a profound sense of purpose is crucial to success in all areas of life. Unfortunately no book or article can tell you what that purpose is but a good starting place is to ask yourself, “If I didn’t have any responsibilities (mortgage, relationships, ect.) And all the assets I needed to accomplish anything, what would I do?”

This may take some time but once you have figured out what it is you need to set goals and learn to incorporate them into your life. An excellent book to help you with this is Think and Grow Rich byNapolean Hill.

The final piece of the puzzle

The final piece of the puzzle is deciding to take responsibility for your own growth and help others with their own growth. By finding great mentors, reading books by people who have what you seeking, and constantly trying new things you will find that not only will you find happiness and fulfillment but you will be able to help those around you find it as well.

Four Ways to Find Your True Inner Beauty

Sunday, October 3rd, 2021

Living in today’s society full of glitz and glamour, it’s so easy to get caught up in this world that does not equal reality. So many people are focused on outer beauty rather than inner beauty. Have you ever met a person that glows and is genuinely a beautiful person inside-out? This is the key. Tapping into your inner self and finding the inner beauty that has always been there.

 Inner Beauty

Change your eyes

Yes, that’s it – I want you to change your eyes. When you look in the mirror, no longer say anything harmful and degrading things about your body. Do not look at your outer self, but spend a few minutes each day looking deep into your eyes – the windows into your soul. What do you see? I guarantee you see a beautiful, strong, compassionate, nurturing woman. Change your eyes from hate to love.

Change your ears

Change the things your subject yourself to. The friend, who is always negative; complaining about the food service, job, husband and children, let him/her go. You deserve friends who are uplifting and inspiring, not draining and exhausting. If you have a family member who always wants to vent about their bad day and never cares to reciprocate the listening ear, then let him/her go. Be firm and let the person know that you prefer to talk about something else or change the subject. No one wants to constantly be around a Debbie Downer.

Remember what goes in (your ears), comes out (your mouth).

Change your attitude

If you fall into a period of being lethargic or crabby, make sure to adjust your attitude. You can watch a cheesy comedy or call your comedic friend. Find something to make you laugh and feel better. Remember when you are feeling inactive is the time you need to become proactive. Get out and about. Go to the movies, bowling, Dave and Busters, or simply for a walk. You can also create a positive board which is full of pictures and quotes that can lift you out of our funky mood.

Change your life

If you find yourself becoming a home body, then get out more. The more you’re connected with the beauty around you, the more you will find beautiful about yourself. According to the book “A New Earth” the author describes coming to a spiritual awakening period when you connect with your true self. Learning to live in the moment and cherish each moment can bring about much need change and personal growth. You will start to view the person you are, rather than the person as you appear to be.

Source:

The Differences Between Bipolar 1 Disorders and Bipolar 2 Disorders

Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

When you know better you do better.

Bipolar l disorders and bipolar ll disorders are different. However, there are different views by some people on how they differ.

Bipolar

Basically we could look at it this way:

  • Bipolar l disorders are looked at as severe episodes of both highs and lows.
  • Bipolar ll disorders are looked upon as the less extreme condition of bipolar disorder.

That is not the definition I believe is accurate.

There is another way of looking at this difference.

Bipolar l can be looked at as a bipolar disorder with the primary effect being a mania. There must be a depressive episode to consider it a bipolar disorder. However, what makes it truly called “bipolar I” is that the depressive episodes are mild; there are not the deep and chronic depressions that come with straight bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression.

Conversely, “bipolar ll disorder” consists of people who spend most of their time in major depressive states but never go to extreme mania. Actually, they go to the secondary manic state which is called hypomania. Once again, however, they must go to manic states to be diagnosed with bipolar ll disorder.

Both bipolar I disorder and bipolar ll involves mood swings.

A standard bipolar disorder usually involves mood swings between two moods. These moods are extreme depression and extreme mania. Both can be debilitating.

In reality there are two levels on both the high side and the low side. The moderate high side is called hypomania and the moderate low side is called moderate depression.

Very simply bipolar l consists of having mood swings but instead of having the typical swings between the extremes the sufferer spends most of their time in the manic side and when they do go to the depressive side they don’t become very depressed at all.

Bipolar ll disorder has the sufferer spending most of their time in some state of depression. They do have swings in mood, although rarely. When their mood does change they go to the moderate “high” which is termed hypomania.

These conditions can be just as difficult to treat but there is little bit of a window of opportunity because when they “cycle” they are in a more moderate state.

Bipolar I favors mania and bipolar ll favors depression. On a positive note these conditions are very conducive to counseling.

Usually when a person is being first diagnosed, they will present the mode of behavior they will spend the most time.

Again, this aspect of bipolar disorder offers a lot of hope.

References:

The Discriminated Child of the Family

Saturday, September 25th, 2021

I am always being teased by my elder brother, cousins and friends for having middle child syndrome. When I grew up and became capable to surf online, I decided to do some research regarding the syndrome. After making some effort, I discovered that the middle child is the one who is born between the oldest and the youngest. Middle child syndrome starts when the middle child finds himself cuddled between the two.

Discriminated Child

The oldest child is loved by the parents because he is their first baby and the youngest is everyone’s favorite as he is the baby of the family. In this situation, the middle one does not really find any special place in the family. Thus, he becomes depressed, jealous, and even violent and unfriendly. The middle child is usually observed to be more arrogant than the other two children.

Autism in the Family Life Cycle

It is observed that if the middle child of the family is capable enough to do something himself, but just to grasp his parents’ attention, he will again and again ask for their help. They are unable to set up their own goals and try hard to achieve the goals set by their parents just to make room in their hearts. The middle child syndrome can be categorized in two extreme behaviors. A kind of syndrome in which the child shows aggression and anger on the other side the child tends to be lonely, silent and a bit weird.

Now the possible causes of middle child syndrome are clear that is the favoritism with the oldest and youngest child of the family, the extraordinary connection of parents with the first and last children and lack of attention on the middle child. The middle child finds himself unfit in the family photo and starts thinking where he actually belongs and what are his rights in the family. It is not as though the parents do not love or support the middle child, but it’s a truth that the attention that oldest and youngest one gets is far more than the middle one.

So the question now is that what is the solution to get the kid out of this syndrome? The possible solution may be is to talk to the child when the parents observe any of the symptoms of the syndrome. Don’t pamper him more than necessary as it will cause more damage to him and will make him feel even more redundant. The best way to tackle this situation is to treat all the children same. This will not push the child into any kind of trauma.

If the parenting atmosphere is adequate, there is very little chance that the child will be attacked by the syndrome. Parents just need to do their best to keep up the equality among the children.

Knowing that Anxiety Will Pass Reduces Its Effects

Sunday, September 19th, 2021

Many anxiety sufferers, including those afflicted by severe social anxiety, become very wrapped up in their heads about the anxiety that they know that they will soon experience. For example, a person is heading out to the local fast-food restaurant and is afraid of talking to the operator at the drive-thru, and the mere knowledge that this is going to happen and that this is going to cause anxiety is something that causes even more anxiety for the person in question.

One of the main fears of those affected by anxiety is the anxiety itself, and the knowledge that when it is present, life is going to be more challenging and the individual in question is going to have to deal with its effects. These effects can be terrifying in themselves as well.

One powerful anxiety-recovery tool, aside from the many others available, is the knowledge that even though this anxiety is going to happen and is going to disrupt a person’s life in some way, that eventually the anxiety will pass and everything will feel much more manageable once again.

The scariest part about anxiety for those affected by it is not knowing how to handle it and knowing that instead, life is simply going to be miserable for some time.

A useful metaphor for thinking about this is for one to envision one’s self-driving along an open road on a flat stretch of desert land. Everything is peaceful and harmonious. However, the driver sees a huge mountain up ahead (similar to a person knowing anxiety is going to calm and that he or she cannot handle it), and he or she becomes very intimidated by its presence, knowing that it will be difficult to traverse.

Once the driver arrives at the base of the mountain, he or she becomes overwhelmed because he or she now realizes that the mountain is huge and will take some time to cross over. However, this person knows that after much difficulty, the mountain will be passed, and eventually the other side will be reached and all will be well again.

With the knowledge that anxiety will pass, it is possible to turn these mountains into speed bumps. The metaphor now has a change. The driver is driving along on a flat stretch of desert land once again, but instead of noticing an upcoming mountain, the driver notices a slight speed bump. Compared to the mountain, this is simple to navigate, and therefore the driver remains at ease. He or she simply slows down the vehicle as the speed bump is approached, and then he or she simply passes over it without much stress at all.

The second metaphor depicted is what the knowledge that anxiety will pass can do to a person’s anxiety level. The anxiety level can be greatly reduced and managed so that the effects it has on a person’s life are minimized. While it is very difficult to believe that anxiety will pass at times, especially when one is first beginning to explore anxiety recovery, the more that one believes it, the more that anxiety reduces and loses its harmful effects.

Every person who perseveres in anxiety recovery will realize, sooner or later, that the duration and intensity of the anticipated anxious experience greatly reduces, and especially so as one realizes that he or she can successfully manage his or her anxiety.

This is just yet another tool available to the anxiety sufferer in order to help him or her manage anxiety. Good luck to all anxiety sufferers out there as they seek to manage their anxiety and live healthy and happy lives!

Caregiver Stress: Do You Have It?

Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

Do you have “Caregiver Stress?” Parents become ill as they age. Sometimes, sadly, a spouse or a child needs long-term care around the clock due to illness or injury. In assessing yourself against these traits use the illness of Alzheimer’s disease as a measuring stick because it is representative of causing caregiver stress and in fact the Alzheimer’s Association was the provider of this brochure “Caregiver Stress Check.”

What character traits does a “Caregiver” have?

This is another topic where I have some personal experience.

A caregiver refuses to allow a family member to be “warehoused.” If they need care they will give it to them, no matter what the emotional, financial, or physical price.

The first problem a caregiver runs into is when they show a willingness to pitch in and help, the rest of the family is usually more than willing to let them take over, without getting involved with the care themselves. The more responsibility a caregiver will take, the more a family will dump on them but, the caregiver usually doesn’t care because in most cases they are selfless.

Does this describe you? Or do you already know you’re a caregiver?”

You may also like: Today is the Day to Lose Negative Attitudes

Caregiver Stress Check

You only need to answer one “yes” to be at risk for caregiver stress.

  • Do you feel you have to do it all yourself, and that you should be doing more?
  • Do you worry that the person you care for is safe?
  • Do you feel anxious about money and healthcare decisions”?
  • Here’s a “biggie:” Do you deny the impact of the disease and its effects?

If you think that you are at risk there are ways you can be helped.

You can become part of a support group; you can attend a workshop for caregivers and you can attend workshops with your whole family so that they can begin to aid you as well.

Something not in the brochure that is important is that the caregiver must maintain some type of social life whether it is with a spouse, friends or extended family. If a caregiver is isolated then their thinking becomes unrealistic and they can become despondent and angry. It is when a caregiver is angry or despondent that the chance for harm to the patient or to self is greatest.

Staying in touch with your level of stress isn’t something you do once and then forget. It is something you repeat.

Caregivers are too important to lose.

References: